Directed by Phillip Noyce
Starring Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor, August Diehl, Daniel Olbrychski, Andre Braugher, Olek Krupa

For a good while now the centre of these spy thrillers (such as Body Of Lies and From Paris With Love) has been Middle Eastern terrorism and arguibly for a good reason. After all most films are a reflection of the times they are made in. But for Salt we go back to the good old archenemy of the US which is of course Russia.

Evelyn Salt is a CIA operative who is outed as a Russian spy and escapes her collagues in order to find her husband who's now been endangered by the circumstances. Soon Salt finds herself in the middle of a hunt for a rogue Russian militia group who are about to impose a major attack on the US which also involves an assassination of the Russian president who's on an official visit in New York in order to attend the funeral of the US Vice President.

As an action movie Salt is surprisingly perky and it goes straight to the point as it reaches almost Jason Bourne-like pace in it's action set pieces at the very beginning of the picture. Then starts the rug pulling from under the audience's feet and the film sadly loses some it's whit and hard built tension for the favor of shocking plot revelations. Director Noyce (Patriot Games, Clear And Present Danger) is an expert in this genre but sadly this time the script doesn't do him justice which is sad also because Salt was written by one of my favorite filmmakers, Kurt Wimmer (Equilibrium). Without Jolie's involvement the film would've most likely stayed very much under the radar.

KITEYTETTYNÄ SINIVALKOISILLE
Salt on oiva toimintatrilleri, joka tavoittaa jo melko alussa loistavien Medusan Verkko-leffojen tiiviin tunnelman ja toiminnan nerokkuuden, mutta se valitettavasti heitetään hieman hukkaan, sillä pian filmi alentuu kovin helppoon ja vaivattomaan shokkipaljastuksilla mässäilyyn. Ohjaaja Noyce osaa vakoilugenren loistavasti, mutta muuten niin taidokkaan Kurt Wimmerin käsikirjoitus ei ole tällä kertaa ihan sillä tasolla jolla sen kuuluisi olla.

Salt at IMDb

Directed by Shawn Levy
Starring Steve Carrell, Tina Fey, Taraji P. Henson, Common, Jimmi Simpson, Leighton Meester, Mark Wahlberg, Kristen wiig, Mark Ruffalo, James Franco, Mila Kunis, Ray Liotta, William Fichtner, Bill Burr, Will.I.Am

I had really conflicting expectations of Date Night because on one hand it stars Carrell and Fey whom I personally consider to be among the funniest people on the planet (especially Fey thanks to the absolutely brilliant TV show 30 Rock) and on the other hand it is directed by Levy who in turn has an amazing ability to ruin otherwise extremely promising projects like The Pink Panther and Night At The Museum and turn them into safe, non-threatning and boring pieces of dry dirt.

Carrell and Fey play the Fosters, a boring married couple struggling to keep their marriage alive in the midst of everyday life. They go on a date night at a posh NY restaurant and steal some other couple's reservation only to find that as a result they now have killers on their tails because of a case of mistaken identity.

Date Night is not a brilliant comedy. There are enough laughs to keep spirits up and Carrell and Fey are funny even if the material isn't what they'd deserve. Levy leaves a surprisingly large room for his starring couple to navigate which is most likely why Date Night isn't the disaster it might've been. Wahlberg does his usual ego boost as he plays a hot, shirtless private contractor who helps the Fosters. I know there're people who think he's a brilliant actor but personally I think he's the same in every damn movie. Wahlberg has those two expressions and by that standard is no better than Steven Seagal. "But he was nominated for an Oscar!" Yes he was but that was simply because The Departed was the one film where his limited skills happened to work in favor of the character. Don't get me wrong, he's done some great films such as Boogie Nights, Three Kings and Shooter, but the films themselves were brilliant. I think his brother, Donnie is clearly the better actor as witnessed in The Sixth Sense and Band Of Brothers.

KITEYTETTYNÄ SINIVALKOISILLE
Date Night on paikoitellen huvittava ja toimiva komedia, joka saa suurelta osin kiittää menestyksestään sen pääosia, Carrellia ja Feytä. Käsikirjoitus lässähtää välillä junnaamaan tylsiä ideoita, mutta virhe yleensä korjataan tarpeeksi pian. Suuria tähtiä vilisee sivuosissa jatkuvalla syötöllä, mutta jos Carrellin ja Feyn naamat eivät ole koskaan miellyttäneet katsojaa, ei tässä filkassa luultavasti ole mitään nautittavaa.

Date Night at IMDb

I'm a huge fan of stand-up comedy and as it happens, Date Night features one of my absolute favorite comedians Bill Burr in a small supporting role, so in honor of that, here's a little taste of his stand-up material.

Directed by Patrick Lussier
Starring Jaime King, Jensen Ackles, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue, Kevin Tighe, Tom Atkins, Edi Gathegi

I've had this film on Blu-ray waiting to be seen for ages. Now I finally got around to watching it and it's a tired piece of shit. The teen horror scene had been dead for a few years but then out of nowhere these remakes started to pop up. The Hitcher, Friday The 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre among others have been remade and some of them quite successfully but MBV is the true exception.

Ten years ago a mine worker went apeshit and killed a bunch of people and now 10 years later it appears he's come back and the oxygen mask wearing and pickaxe flinging killer is putting local residents of the small town in bodybags once again. But who's really behind the mask..?

Scream (1996) was a great film with it's conscious self parody mixed up with real horror gore. It opened the door for other teen horror movies, a genre that had been dead and buried for years due to lack of interest after the films started repeating themselves to, well, death. The resurrection spawned only two other great films which worked because they offered something different and those movies were Final Destination (2000) and The Faculty (1998). Now the genre is alive once again and ironically thanks to remakes.

My Bloody Valentine is dreadful tosh because it follows the same tired patters of movies made 30 years ago without having learned fucking anything from the recent more popular and better remakes. The film uses familiar scare tactics but badly even considering the circumstances because it totally fails to create any sympathy for any of the characters and is reduced to the tired cat and mouse set up. Even Betsy Rue's gorgeous full frontal nude scenes can't keep this turd afloat. And a note to the filmmakers: gore isn't shocking! It hasn't been shocking for 20 years! The mere sight of a body cut open and his or her heart placed on the table does NOTHING to scare the audience or to create dramatic momentum if there isn't some genuine psychological horror to back it up. Especially if there are camera tricks built into the action for the sake of 3D with tree branches and pickaxes coming towards the camera. You have any idea how boring that looks in 2D?! Director Lussier got his start as an editor for Wes Craven. A mentor like Craven and he still learned nothing..?! A shit film from a shitty director who also punished us with Dracula 2000.

KITEYTETTYNÄ SINIVALKOISILLE
My Bloody Valentine on turhauttavan ankeasti ja tylsästi toteutettua teinien lahtausta, joka kalpenee kohtalokkaasti muiden viimeaikaisten ja pääasiassa pirteiden uudelleenfilmatisointien, kuten The Texas Chain Saw Massacre ja Friday The 13th rinnalla. Huonot näyttelijäsuoritukset kohoavat luultavasti paskasta käsikirjoituksesta, johon käsittämättömän keskinkertainen ohjaaja ei saa puhallettua mitään henkeä tai toimivaa draamaa. Lussierin debyyttiohjaus oli armottoman paska Dracula 2000.. miten helvetissä kukaan edes enää antaisi kellekään uutta duunia sellaisen lemukasan jälkeen?! Edes Betsy Ruen kovettavat alastonkohtaukset eivät pelasta tätä uppoavaa laivaa.

My Bloody Valentine at IMDb

I had to paste this absolutely brilliant video from the 2009 MTV Movie Awards. The best thing about it though was that it had nothing to do with Twilight which unfortunately ruled the awards.

And by the way, for all you rookies who don't know who the hell J.J. Abrams is, he's merely the brilliant guy behind TV shows like Alias and Lost and the director of films like M:I:III and Star Trek.

Oli pakko pastettaa tämä helvetin hulvaton video vuoden 2009 MTV Movie Awardseista. Parasta klipissä on ettei sillä ollut mitään tekemistä kimaltelevien ja huonosti näyteltyjen vampyyrien kanssa, jotka dominoivat gaalaa sinä vuonna! Viileet jäbät ei tsiigaa räjähdyksiä!

Enjoy.

Directed by Olatunde Osunsanmi
Starring Milla Jovovich, Elias Koteas, Will Patton, Hakeem Kae-Kazim, Corey Johnson, Charlotte Milchard

If you've seen mocumentary horror films like The Blair Witch Project and Cannibal Holocaust and thought they were brilliant, you might get a kick out of The Fourth Kind. It doesn't follow the traditional way of dramatic storytelling because it mixes fictious dramatizations with "real" amateur film footage of the same events. The title is a reference to the classification of the fourth kind of alien entounters which is abduction.

The film centres around a small town of Nome, Alaska as it's habitants are experiencing extraterrestrial phenomena. The story is told from the point of view of the local psychiatrist, Abby Tyler as all her patients start to share the same experiences of close encounters and eventually she is abducted as well.

The film was marketed the same way Blair Witch was meaning that it was claimed that the events and characters are real. They are not. For instance, Jovovich plays Dr. Tyler in the dramatizations but the "real" Tyler from the real interview is actually also an actress by the name of Charlotte Milchard. She was initially simply credited as "Nome resident" but when her real involvement came to be known her IMDb credit has since been updated to "Real Dr. Abigail Tyler".

The bottom line obviously is if the film works or not regardless of all the hype surrounding it and it does work to some degree. The Fourth Kind does manage to give the chills on occasion but it's still no masterpiece of horror cinema because that's exactly all it's able to deliver, chills without any lasting effect.

KITEYTETTYNÄ SINIVALKOISILLE
The Fourth Kind on The Blair Witch Projectin tyyppinen mukamas oikeisiin tapahtumiin perustuva ja niistä "aitoa" kuvamateriaalia dramatisoitujen kohtausten lomassa tarjoava trilleri. Vaikkeivät tapahtumat pienellä taustatutkimuksella osoittaudukaan tosiksi, niin leffa sentään tarjoaa muutaman tehokkaan ja ahdistavan kohtauksen. Kivaa viihdettä, joka löytyy pian unohdettuna Anttilan alekorista.

The Fourth Kind at IMDb

Directed by Stephen Merchant & Ricky Gervais
Starring Christian Cooke, Tom Hughes, Jack Doolan, Felicity Jones, Matthew Goode, Ralph Fiennes, Emily Watson, Ricky Gervais

After trying his hands on directing feature films with The Invention Of Lying, Gervais is now again teamed up with his The Office co-creator, Stephen Merchant. Cemetery Junction is a feel good movie whereas their previous collaborations have been based firmly on will shame. And very successfully so because in my personal opinion, the original UK series of The Office is one of the most brilliant shows ever produced.

Cemetery Junction follows three lifelong friends on the treshold of adulthood in 1970's Britain. Bruce (Hughes) is a young rebel who works at a local factory, Snork (Doolan) is a train station announcer and awkward with women and Freddie (Cooke) has just started a high paying job selling insurance door to door. Freddie also has looming feelings for his childhood friend, Julie (Jones) who happens to be his boss' daughter and engaged to his collague. Things unravel as the guys set out to break away from their familiar settings.

 I can't remember Fiennes playing a bigger asshole ever in his career and he played Amon Goeth in fucking Schindler's List! Geez what a douche his character is. I just hate these uptight upper class people who have no idea how to enjoy the fruits of their hard work but still find it necessary to brag about their statuses. I mean what the hell is the point of that?! 

The four relatively unknown leads do a great job as does Jones with her sweet and lovely Julie. The "bigger name" stars have taken a humble and an admirable back seat and give wonderful support for the up-and-comers. Especially Watson brings sincere warmth to Julie's mum who's being taken for granted by her husband. Merchant and Gervais should be proud of this effort.

KITEYTETTYNÄ SINIVALKOISILLE
Cemetery Junction on hyväsydäminen leffa alkuperäisen Konttori-sarjan tekijöiltä. Briteillä on homma hanskassa tässä genressä paremmin kuin kellään muulla ja piristävää vaihtelua tuo myös tuntemattomien lahjakkuuksien tuominen pääosiin samalla kun isommat nimet antavat hienoa taustatukea ja onnistuvat silti tuomaan sivuosiinsa vaivatonta kiinnostavuutta. Fiennes vetää uransa kusinuppimaisimman roolin. Ja hienosti senkin.

Cemetery Junction at IMDb

I had to, *I HAD TO* also include this fucking hilarious teaser! These guys are so funny and how much of a good sport is Ralph Fiennes, come on!



And then the official trailer..

Directed by Roman Polanski
Starring Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan, Olivia Williams, Kim Cattrall, Tom Wilkinson, James Belushi, Timothy Hutton, Eli Wallach

The Ghost Writer was still in post-production when Polanski was arrested in Switzerland in 2009 and caught in the middle of a media frenzy for his child molestation charges in America dating back to the late 1970's. The film did not suffer as a result since he was able to see it through and finish the film from prison.

A ghost writer (McGregor who's character name was never mentioned in the script so he came up with one for his own sake, Gordon McFarquor) is hired to complete the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister Adam Lang, after the previous writer was found dead from apparent suicide. When he digs into the book and begins to do research, he starts to uncover secrets in Lang's past that ultimately become dangerous to his own life.

Many people have said of this film that Polanski has brought the Hitchcockian style back, but while that may not be all made up, I'd still argue that Polanski has simply continued his own because his own style has always been similar to Hitchcock and The Ghost Writer is no exception. It would be fair to compare the film to Polanski's The Ninth Gate (1999) with Gate's religious themes having being replaced with those of politics. It's a brilliantly directed thriller with great performances from McGregor, Brosnan and the supporting cast all the way down to the legendary Eli Wallach (I'll always see him as Tuco, but whatta hell, right?). There are countless references of Brosnan's Lang being the film version of Tony Blair with Lang being treated as US' loyal poodle and a war criminal.

Following Polanski's arrest, the film received extra media exposure as well which was very fortunate because movies like this don't usually get any attention in the media. Sure, they may be well reviewed but they never reach larger audiences. When the finished film was released, the studio advised the cast to avoid commenting Polanski's arrest, but Brosnan still stated in a promotional interview that "It's sad for all concerned, but it's also heightened the movie. The movie's in the can, he's in the can." You can take the man away from Bond but you can't take the Bond whit out of the man.


KITEYTETTYNÄ SINIVALKOISILLE
The Ghost Writer on Polanskin Yhdeksännen Portin (1999) tyyppinen trilleri, jossa Portin uskonnolliset teemat on yksinkertaisesti (ja toimivasti) vain korvattu poliittisilla motiiveilla. Jotkut ovat moittineet elokuvaa liian hidastempoiseksi, mutta itse näin tämän vain mestarillisena jännitteen ja paranoian rakentamisena. Vertaukset Hitchcockiin ovat toki ymmärrettäviä, mutta Polanski on toisaalta rakentanut jännityselokuvansa näin jo Inhosta (1965) lähtien. Loistava elokuva ja Brosnankin vetää Tony Blairiin rakentuvan hahmonsa kunnialla kotiin.


The Ghost Writer at IMDb

Directed by The Hughes Brothers
Starring Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis, Ray Stevenson, Jennifer Beals, Tom Waits, Michael Gambon, Malcolm McDowell

I've always personally liked films that deal with apocalypse and the world after that. Films Like The Road, Max Max, 28 Days Later and Waterworld. The vision of the future is always bleak to say the least and The Book Of Eli makes no exception.

 Washington plays a drifter, Eli who travels the wasteland of a post-nuclear war America. People do anything for survival and there are very few towns or communities left. In his backpack he also carries the last known King James' Holy Bible. Oldman plays Carnegie, a man obsessed with finding the book in order to use it to control the people of his little town. Eli manages to escape Carnegie's town with Solara (Kunis) and the hunt for the good book escalates.

 The Book Of Eli doesn't seem to be able to make it's mind up on wether it stands behind the message of the Bible or if it's merely just a way to control primitive minds. Carnegie's motives are clearly of those of right wing political conservatives who've used the word of God among other things to call people to war in order to reach their own goals. By the way a side note: I'm not making this shit up, this is the part that's frightfully real. Eli on the other hand wonders alone with his faith and draws his own strength from the book without bothering anyone (as it fucking should be!). Bottom line is that they are all in one way or another obsessed with the word of God and not much any good comes out of it in the end. I don't personally know if that was the message  intended, but it sure seems like that to me.

 Oldman is terrific with baddie roles and Kunis might seriously be the most beautiful woman on the face of this planet. Visually the film is absolutely stunning.. there is just something so poetic about the landscapes of these films. Perhaps I'm just fucked in the head, but I'd like to see some major cataclysmic event take place in my lifetime. The Book Of Eli is good, but if you want to see a better film from these directors, see From Hell and if you want to see better apocalyptic pieces, see The Road Warrior or The Terminator.

KITEYTETTYNÄ SINIVALKOISILLE
The Book Of Eli on vahvalla uskonnollisella alavireellä varustettu apokalyptinen toimintaelokuva, jonka parhaimmistoa ovat Oldman perinteisessä pahiksen roolissa ja upea visuaalinen ilme. Harrasta viestiä välittävä elokuva päätyy lopulta (vahingossa?) todistamaan jälleen ettei uskonnosta ole kuin riesaa, sillä se aina ajaa jonkun äärimmäisiin tekoihin muiden vastustuksen paineen edessä.

The Book Of Eli at IMDb