Monday, September 13, 2010


Directed by Patrick Lussier
Starring Jaime King, Jensen Ackles, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue, Kevin Tighe, Tom Atkins, Edi Gathegi

I've had this film on Blu-ray waiting to be seen for ages. Now I finally got around to watching it and it's a tired piece of shit. The teen horror scene had been dead for a few years but then out of nowhere these remakes started to pop up. The Hitcher, Friday The 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre among others have been remade and some of them quite successfully but MBV is the true exception.

Ten years ago a mine worker went apeshit and killed a bunch of people and now 10 years later it appears he's come back and the oxygen mask wearing and pickaxe flinging killer is putting local residents of the small town in bodybags once again. But who's really behind the mask..?

Scream (1996) was a great film with it's conscious self parody mixed up with real horror gore. It opened the door for other teen horror movies, a genre that had been dead and buried for years due to lack of interest after the films started repeating themselves to, well, death. The resurrection spawned only two other great films which worked because they offered something different and those movies were Final Destination (2000) and The Faculty (1998). Now the genre is alive once again and ironically thanks to remakes.

My Bloody Valentine is dreadful tosh because it follows the same tired patters of movies made 30 years ago without having learned fucking anything from the recent more popular and better remakes. The film uses familiar scare tactics but badly even considering the circumstances because it totally fails to create any sympathy for any of the characters and is reduced to the tired cat and mouse set up. Even Betsy Rue's gorgeous full frontal nude scenes can't keep this turd afloat. And a note to the filmmakers: gore isn't shocking! It hasn't been shocking for 20 years! The mere sight of a body cut open and his or her heart placed on the table does NOTHING to scare the audience or to create dramatic momentum if there isn't some genuine psychological horror to back it up. Especially if there are camera tricks built into the action for the sake of 3D with tree branches and pickaxes coming towards the camera. You have any idea how boring that looks in 2D?! Director Lussier got his start as an editor for Wes Craven. A mentor like Craven and he still learned nothing..?! A shit film from a shitty director who also punished us with Dracula 2000.

My Bloody Valentine on turhauttavan ankeasti ja tylsästi toteutettua teinien lahtausta, joka kalpenee kohtalokkaasti muiden viimeaikaisten ja pääasiassa pirteiden uudelleenfilmatisointien, kuten The Texas Chain Saw Massacre ja Friday The 13th rinnalla. Huonot näyttelijäsuoritukset kohoavat luultavasti paskasta käsikirjoituksesta, johon käsittämättömän keskinkertainen ohjaaja ei saa puhallettua mitään henkeä tai toimivaa draamaa. Lussierin debyyttiohjaus oli armottoman paska Dracula 2000.. miten helvetissä kukaan edes enää antaisi kellekään uutta duunia sellaisen lemukasan jälkeen?! Edes Betsy Ruen kovettavat alastonkohtaukset eivät pelasta tätä uppoavaa laivaa.

My Bloody Valentine at IMDb